WTF Balls – My turkey meatball flavor party

Sometimes, you just want some goddamn meatballs.  And luckily, they’re pretty rudimentary.  Follow a rough ratio of 1 lb meat to 1 egg to 1 cup breadcrumbs and the rest is really ‘choose your own adventure’.  I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure these could give The Meatball Shop a run for their money.

The following recipe was concocted during a mad scientist moment in the kitchen and it definitely needs some tweaking.  A pinch more water here, a pinch fewer bread crumbs there, but you get the idea.  Cooking isn’t about following an exact recipe, it’s about following guidelines but developing your own flavors and techniques.  At least, that’s how I do it. ¯\_()_/¯

  • 2lbs ground turkey – This is what I had in my fridge.  I find flavors stand out more on white meats so I’d probably stick to chicken, turkey, or pork for these, but honestly, they’d probably be pretty baller even with just beef.
  • 2 eggs
  • ~1 cup of shredded cheese – I used a blend of parm, asiago, and romano.  But go wild.
  • ~1/4 cup grated cheese – I had parmesan-romano in my fridge. But again… get creative.
  • ~2 tbsp parsley
  • ~1 tbsp oregano
  • ~1 tbsp onion powder
  • ~1 tbsp garlic powder
  • ~1 tsp smoked paprika
  • Salt and pepper to taste – Usually between 1-2 tsp of each
  • ~3/4 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • ~3/4 cup of regular breadcrumbs – both of my breadcrumbs were the seasoned kind as to provide maximum drive to flavor town.
  • 1.5 cup of water – You may or may not need the whole amount


Now listen closely because this is the very hard part.  Dump all of these things in a big bowl except the breadcrumbs and water and mash that shit together.  Seriously, get in there.  You can use whatever makes the process of mixing it the easiest but I find nothing works better than a set of hands.  Once you’ve thoroughly mashed everything together, start mixing in the breadcrumbs.  Do it 50/50.  I started with half a cup of each and then slowly integrated more of each til I had the consistency I wanted.  Then I started pouring the water in little by little until the mixture was moist but firm.

Then I just made them into dainty little flavor capsules, threw em in a frying pan to brown them and popped em in the oven for about 20 minutes to finish them up (375 on the preheat).

I’m pretty damn happy with how these came out.  I adjusted the recipe above to hopefully correct where I think these could have been improved, but really, it comes down to preference.  Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, “ok cool but what about sauce?”.  Shit, you’re right, I don’t have any.  This is where my experimentations took a downward spiral.  No tomato sauce, no gravy.  A good ball can’t go un-sauced, it’s just not right.  Here is where I hope you’ll have some more forethought to hopefully have prepared some type of full meal around these delightful little morsels, but I’m not gonna lie, they are still pretty good with my janky bouillon meat flavored glaze.

That’s right.  Meat flavored glaze.  I didn’t actually have anything to make a good gravy or sauce out of so instead I whipped together a quick slurry with about 2 cups of water and a tbsp or 2 of flour, brought it to a boil and added a cube of beef bouillon.  Out of the pan it was a salty almost pasty tasting nightmare but poured over the meatballs it paired surprisingly well and was the touch they needed.


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